Choosing which doula to support you is a strange process! You will most likely meet a few doulas online during a short call and then need to consider whether you want this person as a companion during a pivotal life event. It can be difficult to know which questions to ask and even what answers to look for – and while beautiful websites and impressive CVs can be helpful, a flashy online presence doesn’t always make for a perfect match. Compatibility is the most about personality, values, and feelings of ease and safety. As doulas with 25+ years of combined experience, we are well versed in the interview process, and we are happy to provide you below with a short list of red flags to look out for when looking for a doula for your birth.
- They speak poorly of providers or other doulas
We all have our own relationships in this field – and of course, advocacy is an important part of our role. During our pre-birth sessions, we might discuss advocacy tools and explain certain scenarios or potential challenges that come up in different birth settings. But, unless a provider is actively harming people, there is not one providor, midwife, doctor, or doula alike that is the most perfect or the worst. A doula who is quick to talk smack may not have nuanced advocacy skills to use during your labour.
- They are firm on what choices you should make or give you instructions
Although often used too routinely, birth interventions and pharmaceutical pain medication have a place in labour and birth and can help offer relief from long labours and even prevent adverse outcomes when used properly by a skilled provider. A doula who doesn’t believe in clients ever using epidurals, entering the hospital, or needing medical support may pose a red flag. This type of doula may also leave your birth if you transfer to hospital or choose an epidural, which can be times when support is especially needed.
- They have no backup plans or backup doulas
Doulas are humans who can get sick, have family emergencies, or have two births happen at once. It’s always important that a doula contract includes information about what happens in the instance that your doula is unable to attend part or all of your birth. If there is no mention of backup, this may also be a sign that the doula doesn’t have community relationships with other doulas, which is integral to the sustainability and quality of care we provide.
- They don’t have a contract or have unclear, hidden fees
Doula support is professional support. Any time you are hiring a doula to support you, especially for birth, it is standard to sign a mutual agreement outlining fees and services. If the price of the birth package is unclear, there are extra fees for a long labour, or unclear cancellation fees, it might be best to ask for clarification. An hourly fee for labour support is not common practice, because we don’t want you to be thinking about how expensive your doula bill is going to be while you are trying to work through a long difficult birth. If, with clarification, it is still unclear how much support will cost, this likely means that your doula will add fees along the way. That being said, our services are priced appropriately for our expertise, on call time, transportation, pre-and post sessions and virtual support. It is standard to pay between $1500-2000 for a doula in Toronto (and we are right in the middle of that range at $1750 for our birth package).
- They promise you a specific outcome
While the evidence shows that continuous labour support decreases the use of pain medications, birth interventions, length of labour, and chances of cesareans, there is no way to know how your labour will go. And while we know trends, every time we think we know birth, it surprises us again! We will help you prepare for the birth you want but any doula who promises a painless orgasmic birth is likely to be setting you up for shame or disappointment if your birth does not go that way. We never know what the outcome will be, but we are here to support you along the way and help make the experience as smooth as possible.
- They don’t support you in early labour
It is becoming more common for very busy doulas to require you to be 6+ centimeters dilated and already admitted to the hospital or birth centre, or already checked by your midwife in order to begin in person labour support. Sometimes early labour, especially for first time parents, can be long and difficult, and your doula can be a great tool for support during those early hours when things are still shifting into gear. We also know that obstetricians have tried and failed to measure linear timelines for cervical dilation – and that what your cervix is doing in one particular moment says nothing about how long it will be until your baby is born, or the intensity of your contractions and need for support. Doula support in early labour might also offer tools to get your labour kicked into gear and progressing.
- They misalign with you ideologically
Some birthworkers might have ideas about gender norms that don’t sit right with you. You might not want to be called “mama” or “honey” for your entire labour. Some doulas might also have very strong feelings about your parenting style, feeding style, or whether you should decline vaccines for yourself or your baby. Look out for any other political values that your doula makes clear on the internet and don’t be afraid to ask how your doula relates to anti-racism, gender affirming language or other anti-oppressive values. If you are a member of a marginalized group it will be important to have a doula who understands how different people are impacted by systems of power in the healthcare system. You will want a doula who makes you feel safe and appreciates, celebrates, and stands by who you are.
- The don’t engage with or mention your partner in the interview
We always ask questions to your partner and make it clear that we are here to support you and your co-parent both. Sometimes partners might be afraid that the doula might replace them or push them away from the birth process. Look for a doula who engages with your partner’s hopes and fears for the birth and describes how they can support your partner through your labour.
- They convince you they know everything
No one can ever know everything about birth and postpartum. As doulas in the business for a long while, there are still times when the answer to a question is “I don’t know”. We also know how important it is to model this practice to help take the pressure off of you to have every single answer figured out as a pregnant person and parent. We are support-people, not encyclopedias, and while we have a lot of experience and knowledge, we still have questions and we work alongside you to investigate them rather than claiming to know every single answer. We actually think that saying “I don’t know” builds trust with you and helps you build confidence.
- They make you feel uneasy or uncomfortable in any way
Even if none of the above issues come up in an interview, if a doula makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, they are not the doula for you! You need to feel like you can be your messiest self during labour and birth. Hire the doula that makes you drop your shoulders, feel a little less tense, and seems like someone you would like to be around.
We want you to feel GREAT about the doula you choose for your most special moment! Book a call with us and we can answer your questions or send you in the right direction.
Photo credit to Will Parry